tracy-dingmann-new-pic3It’s only been a few days since little Tyrus Toribio was finally, peacefully laid to rest in a private ceremony on Zia Pueblo land.

But it’s been a tough week or so for people in Albuquerque who have watched this wrenching murder case play out both in the local media and worldwide.

What kind of a place is this, where a mother kills her child and buries him in a park — in a public playground where other children go to play?

People who live in cities and neighborhoods take certain crimes very personally. They don’t like to think that certain crimes happen in their town.

As such, confronting this case has been excruciating for just about everyone I know in Albuquerque. But beyond the universal sadnesss and outrage that everyone expressed, I thought I heard a few themes emerge.

More than one person I spoke to thought the victim was needlessly exploited by the media. At first the little boy was exploited by the constant stories about “Baby Justice” and “Baby Angel” and the frantic search for his identity.  And later, he was violated again when the police and the press publicized the macabre details of his murder, allegedly at the hands of his own mom.

Tyrus Toribio’s  death was a singular, horrible crime and there was nothing to be gained from talking about it incessantly or knowing all of the details — or so the thinking went.

I don’t know about that.

I think that in the days before Tyrus Toribio’s identity was known, it was absolutely crucial that as many people knew about his case as possible, so he could be named and his killer found. And once he was identified and his killer confessed,  people deserved to know what happened to that beautiful little boy. They deserve to know, and society as a whole needs to know every bit of it, in case there’s a chance that it could be prevented from ever happening again.

The other rather dismaying theme I ran into was the “Why Can’t We Just Kill That Woman?” rationale. I don’t personally know anyone who thinks that, but I sure heard lots of Albuquerqueans — including a local call-in talk show host — screaming that on a certain top-rated conservative talk radio station.  This was right after District Attorney Kari Brandenburg held a press conference to announce that Tiffany Toribio’s case does not “qualify” for the death penalty because it doesn’t fit the strictly defined conditions. Never mind that the Legislature recently repealed the death penalty in New Mexico — because remember, the repeal doesn’t take effect until July. Hearing those people scream for blood was almost as chilling as hearing the details of the crime.

Lastly, I heard some people questioning the value of the great outpouring of grief, particularly at Alvarado Park where Tyrus Toribio died.  In the days after the boy’s body was found, people who lived around the park and other concerned citizens held nightly vigils there. They built a shrine of stuffed toys and candles underneath the hanging bridge where he was found.

Focusing all that concern on one little boy is an understandably emotional but fairly useless response, went the thinking. Why not care more about the children you see every day who need your help?

I’m not ready to fault people for their vigils and shrines. The good people who live around Alvarado Park were truly horrified by what happened in their midst. They wanted to express their grief and shock and to show the rest of the city that this was not tolerated in their neighborhood. They vowed to hold the nightly vigils until the boy was identified — a noble goal.

And after he was, they took down the police composite of “Baby Angel” and put up a picture of Tyrus Toribio, so they could mourn him properly. It was what they needed to do.

Ultimately, though, I think the most useful, lasting reaction to this crime is going to be a practical and rational one. Everyone who was horrified by what happened to that poor little boy can surely learn from this. Any one of us can make a living child who is suffering physical or emotional abuse RIGHT NOW better by taking action now, today, to become a foster parent or to adopt a child.

As a former foster kid who was later adopted, I wish I could say I thought of all this myself.  But I didn’t. I got it from a wise poster on Duke City Fix, who wrote a frank piece full of incredibly useful information about how to help out the thousands of “Baby Angels-in-waiting” all around us. I will link to the post here,  because there is no way I can do it justice by parsing it.

If it’s true that a community can be measured in how it reacts to a tragedy, then let  Albuquerque’s reaction to this sad case be to treat ALL of our children better.